"Unconditional Love" or "On How Being a Mother is Both Helpful and Detrimental to the Insecure, Introverted Campus Minister"

Author's Note: I will not blame you if you find me crazy after reading this post.

I have recently noted that I no longer feel awkward, insecure or nervous around the students I work with...especially when Liam is with me. My conclusion is that we all desire to be unconditionally loved and accepted. When we are with others, our greatest questions are, "Do you love me? Do you accept me? What do you really think about me?" (or, at least, these are my greatest questions) And so, when I am with my students I no longer have these questions because I have one who does love me unconditionally and accepts me just as I am. His name is Liam and he thinks I am the cat's pajamas. Therefore, I am much more relaxed when I am with them. I am much more able to be "in the moment" instead of stuck in my thoughts. In a sense, this is very helpful because I am able to focus on them instead of on my inner self-talk. And if I start to feel awkward or am tired of making eye contact, I can just look down at my son, and isn't that just so normal? Let's all just gaze at the cute baby and then you won't have to search my face for answers to your deep questions and I won't have think of something intelligent to say. So this is helpful. Liam is helpful.

And yet, this is detrimental. Liam has become just another crutch. You see, I have already been unconditionally loved and accepted by One greater than Liam. There will come a day when Liam will no longer like me very much. He will find me annoying and say hurtful things. I cannot rely on him as my source of love and acceptance...I cannot treat him as my security blanket. It is not rational, useful or fair.

I am thankful for my son, but I must not allow him to fill a void only the Lord can fill.